RED FLAGS PLEASE READ

RED FLAGS TO LOOK FOR IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP:


1. Did/does your partner get very serious about the/a relationship very quickly, saying "I love you" very quickly, wanting to move in together or get engaged after only a few months, or pressuring you for a serious commitment?
2. Did/does your partner come on very strong, is extremely charming and an overly smooth talker?
3. Are they extremely jealous?
4. Did/ does your partner isolate you from support groups, wants you all to their self, try to keep you from friends and family or outside activities?
5. Do/ did they attempt to control whatever you wear or do or whomever you see?
6. Is/were they abusive toward other people, especially mother or sister if a male?
7. Does your partner reject your right to decide if you'll use birth control?
8. Do they blame others for own misbehavior or failures?
9. Do they abuse alcohol?
10. Do they have unrealistic expectations, like expecting you to meet all needs and be the perfect partner?
11. Are they overly sensitive- acts hurt when not getting own way, takes offense when others disagree with an opinion, gets very upset over small inconveniences that are a normal part of life?
12. Have they ever been cruel to animals?
13. Have they ever to your knowledge abused children?
14. Have they ever to your knowledge hit a partner in the past?
15. Have they ever threatened violence even if it wasn't a "serious" threat?
16. Does your partner call you names, puts you down or curses you?
17. Are they extremely moody, and switches quickly from being very nice to exploding in anger?
18. If male, believes that women are inferior to men and should obey them?
19. Is intimidating, for example, using threatening body language, punching walls, breaking or throwing objects?
20. Does your partner hold you against your will to keep you from walking away or leaving the room?
21. Was or is abused by parent?**
22. Grew up in a home where an adult was abused by another adult?**
23. Does your partner reject your right to decide to work at a paying job?
24. Does your partner refuse to let you spend time alone?
25. Is your partner upset that you have your own friends?
26. Is your partner have trouble accepting the fact that women can and should be as wise, worldly, confident, strong, decisive, and independent as men?
27. Does your partner refuse to talk and listen?
28. Does your partner hide from the fact that their feelings are hurt?
29. Does your partner think it is bad for men to show they are weak or vulnerable and to cry sometimes?
30. Is your partner unable to express affection aside from the times they are sorry for abusing you and when they want, or you are having sex?
31. Does your partner lack good friends?
32. Does your partner lack interests besides you?
33. Does your partner ask you about other partners in your past life?
34. Does your partner want to know where you have been when you have been out?
35. Does your partner believe that husbands/ significant others should make the important decisions?
36. Does your partner rejest your opinion?
37. Does your partner think there are any circumstances in which it is okay for a man/woman to hit a partner?
38. Is your partner jealous of your friends or relatives?
39. Does your partner think you are with someone else when you are not at home when they call?
40. Does your partner think that men should earn more than women in the same job?
41. Does your partner especially want baby boys and associates fathering boys with masculinity?
42. Does your partner think you have enough education even though you want to go to school?
43. Does your partner get angry if meals are late or food isn't just right?
44. Does your partner take over when you are having trouble doing something whether you want them to or not?
45. When your partner is hurt, do they act angry instead?
46. Does you partner silently sulk when angry?
47. Does your partner ridicule you for being stupid, or for characteristics that are typical of women/men?
48. Do you like yourself less than usual when you have been with your partner?
49. Has your partner ever spent time in jail?
50. Does your partner sometimes put you on a pedestal, saying they don't deserve you?
51. Are there qualities you especially like about yourself that your partner disapproves of or ridicules?
52. When you have acted independently, has your partner called you a dyke or women's libber?
53. Has your partner ignored your feelings?
54. Has your partner ridiculed or insulted your religion race, your heritage or class?
55. Does your partner insult your friends and family?
56. Does your partner humilliate you in public or private?
57. Does your partner refuse to socialize with you?
58. Does your partner try to keep you from working?
59. Does your partner try to control your money?
60. Does your partner try to make all the decisions?
61. Does your partner make excuses for not working?
62. Is it all right to spend your money but not theirs?
63. Does your partner's punishment of children seem excessive?
64. Does your partner tell you about past affairs?
65. Does your partner tell anti-women jokes or make demeaning remarks about women?
66. Does your partner treat women as sex objects?
67. Does your partner get jealous and assume you would have sex with anyone?
68. Has your partner publicly shown sexual interest in other men or women?
69. Does your partner call you names like "frigid" or "whore"?
70. Has your partner had affairs after agreeing to a monogamous relationship?
71. Does your partner assume the right to control how you live and behave?
72. Do you rehearse what you are going to say in order not to make them angry?
73. Do you often feel confused, off balance, or inadequate with them?
74. Does your partner blame you for everything that goes wrong?
75. DO YOU FEAR HIS OR HER REACTIONS?

**Numbers 21 and 22 do not indicate that a person will be abusive. The majority of children who grow up in abusive homes choose not to be abusive as adults. However, these children still have a higher likelihood than other children of growing up to be involved in abusive relationships. These factors should be considered with other factors.

You can follow these links for more information:
Why do women stay?
What parents need to know